“What are you going to do for yourself today?” my therapist asked. “I’m gonna grab a chai tea latte on my way home,” I replied, already calculating how I’d Tetris my day together for maximal productivity. Though I’ve spent a lot of time working on not labeling things as black and white, good or bad, or success or failure, it remains a challenge. I still proceed through my days giving myself green check marks when my day meets my expectations, or red x’s when my plans derail.
“What if you sat and enjoyed your latte instead of “grabbing” it?” she asked, with that open, smiley therapist look that usually makes me want to give her my best RBF. She clearly didn’t understand the SEAL level of coordination this day required.
“I could do that,” I said, while thinking, “but I won’t.”
***
Yesterday, at the grocery store, checkout lines were insane. I like to blame the snowbirds for everything, but I don’t think they are solely at fault: Christmas chaos is here. I loaded the conveyor belt to max capacity (again, my Tetris skills came in handy), before noticing– out of my peripheral vision– there was a man behind me with only two items.
I had a moment to consider whether I’d let him cut because a snowbird in front of me was having the cashier weigh two different bags of lemons to determine which one she wanted. When she decided at the last minute to also purchase gift cards, I turned to the man. “You want to go ahead of me?” I asked, motioning at his two items.
“Nah,” he smiled, “I’m not in a hurry.”
Not in a hurry?! What black magic was this? And then I realized, maybe I didn’t need to be in a hurry either– not that I had a choice, because… snowbird.
***
“We just don’t have the time to do all of our usual Christmas stuff,” a mom-friend sighed. And man, could I relate. Usually our Christmas cards are sent out two days before Thanksgiving, and cookies are baked by the 15th of December. Here I am in the final days leading up to Christmas with no cookies, and only some cards sent out. (You can find my stand-in Christmas card here.) Our Christmas meal remains unplanned, but to be honest, all I want this year is simple. Maybe the holiday stress is self-induced, and maybe, I can choose to let go of it.
Wishing you and yours an imperfect and peaceful holiday season.
